Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, I guess. I’ve always thought of myself as a capable being able to handle anything. But, lately, I’ve been reminded of my own mortality. A mere mortal, frail, fallible, vulnerable.
I must say it really was a harsh awakening. But, I’m getting there. Had a productive chat with Raafiek last night. I just don’t like what I sound like these days. This clearly is not me. I feel like I’ve lost my spunk, my spark! Shaheema, where is she gone to?
Where’s Shaheema? The girl who always fights for what she wants. I’m literally like a swan… calm above the waters (that’s how everyone sees me)… but underwater, I’m paddling like mad!
I spoke my heart out to Raafiek last night… lately, I’m just questioning everything. I don’t feel like i’m in the right place, I’m completely out of sync, completely in the wrong space, maybe even the wrong job.
Why do I lack the courage to follow my heart? But, that’s where it gets complicated. Following your heart doesn’t always amount to the right choice or the ability to get on with your present life with the same standard. I guess that’s where sacrifice comes in hey!
My studies are driving me completely insane… I mean really! I’ve never felt like giving up on something… especially once I’ve started it already! And, I must say, the thought of dropping this crosses my mind almost 10 times a day… and I keep fighting it. Raafiek – always my voice of reason reminding me why and Shahieda always prompting me that I can do it.
I’m having doubts about actually posting this post. I don’t think anyone’s ever seen this side of me. Shaheema’s always cheerful, positive and on the move. Right now, I’m sad, drained and not happening! Things are just really difficult right now… but I’m moving ahead… slowly… but I’ll get there Insha-Allah, and in the end, all this hardship will be something to smile back on.
As they say: “NOTHING WORTHWHILE COMES EASY!”
3 comments:
I know exactly what you're going through sweets and it sure is a scary feeling. Knowing always what it is you want & where is it you're going, has always defined you as a person but sometimes it's ok to just go with the flow.
There will come a point when you're back on track & with you, that never takes long!!
oh sweets... don't make me cry now! :(
Shukran for your comment angel. I'll keep that in mind when the day's are a bit hard to bear.
I just want to be free... but right now this is draining all my time. But, one day Insha-Allah, one day! :) i love you!
Hey Shaheema, I so feel you! Sometimes life catches up with us. Sometimes all we have to do is listen to that inner voice... not the doubt, not the fear, not the confusion, but the voice that wants to be still. So be still and listen to your heart. You don't have to do anything, the answer will come...
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