Thursday, April 30, 2009

The ‘Can Do’ Girl

So, this morning while applying my sky-blue eye-shadow to accompany my sky-blue poloneck and earrings… I took a moment to look at myself. In that moment my head was swarming with thoughts and I realised something. I’m the ‘Can Do’ Girl! Always have been.

When approached with a situation, I never assess whether I can do it, whether I am able to do it or even whether it fits into my current schedule… oh no! My first instinct when approached with a situation is “I Can Do It!”

That attitude has always brought me tremendous hope. It has lifted me on through the years and allowed me the possibility to be where I am today. It has certainly worked for me through many phases in my lifetime.

Being presented with new opportunities, brings new challenges of its own and with it comes the chance to grow. I’ve grown a lot from my experiences in life, the good and the bad. Algamdulilah… Allah has always been right by my side, spurring me on and holding my hand as I walk through those tough and storming moments.

With the new experience my life holds… leading up to my new chapter, I was faced with a situation I’ve never encountered before. A moment in my life when I was at the end of my tether… and with that brought that realisation that I now need to respect myself… just a teeny bit more. To ask myself permission for the things I endeavour, endure and encounter. And, I realised, as a good friend said to me, being able to say no or ask for help is not a weakness. Perhaps, my view point needs to change around that. I now believe it is a blessing… a blessing in that you allow another to share in the moment with you.

We all in life for a reason. We all here to build each other up. To please each other. To bring happiness to each other… and to help each other along the path of life. And with this comes my thanks… to all who love me, support me and wish me well… THANK YOU!

Because right now, right here… I’m EXACTLY where I’m meant to be… right here in all this madness fighting my way through and sharing my thoughts and this moment with YOU.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A little breathing space…

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed, I guess. I’ve always thought of myself as a capable being able to handle anything. But, lately, I’ve been reminded of my own mortality. A mere mortal, frail, fallible, vulnerable.

I must say it really was a harsh awakening. But, I’m getting there. Had a productive chat with Raafiek last night. I just don’t like what I sound like these days. This clearly is not me. I feel like I’ve lost my spunk, my spark! Shaheema, where is she gone to?

Where’s Shaheema? The girl who always fights for what she wants. I’m literally like a swan… calm above the waters (that’s how everyone sees me)… but underwater, I’m paddling like mad!

I spoke my heart out to Raafiek last night… lately, I’m just questioning everything. I don’t feel like i’m in the right place, I’m completely out of sync, completely in the wrong space, maybe even the wrong job.

Why do I lack the courage to follow my heart? But, that’s where it gets complicated. Following your heart doesn’t always amount to the right choice or the ability to get on with your present life with the same standard. I guess that’s where sacrifice comes in hey!

My studies are driving me completely insane… I mean really! I’ve never felt like giving up on something… especially once I’ve started it already! And, I must say, the thought of dropping this crosses my mind almost 10 times a day… and I keep fighting it. Raafiek – always my voice of reason reminding me why and Shahieda always prompting me that I can do it.

I’m having doubts about actually posting this post. I don’t think anyone’s ever seen this side of me. Shaheema’s always cheerful, positive and on the move. Right now, I’m sad, drained and not happening! Things are just really difficult right now… but I’m moving ahead… slowly… but I’ll get there Insha-Allah, and in the end, all this hardship will be something to smile back on.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Ruwayda & Faheem's Layla

Little Layla Abrahams was born on 22 April 2009 at 3:50pm weighing 3.2kg. I was meant to update my blog many, many months ago, but here goes.

For some reason i can't seem to upload the scans of her... but will keep on trying.

Ruwayda at the Baby Shower

Me and the Beautiful pregnant Mommy

Mommy & Layla - 1 day old

The happy family with Layla – 1 day old

Layla with her Mommy and new Aunty

Layla Name-Giving – 27 April 2009 (5 days old)

The Beautiful Parents

Isn’t she too cute!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Where is my head...

Gosh, I feel like I’m all over the place. If it isn’t work, its my studies or running around for wedding goodies. This is all very exciting… I must admit. But, in the same breath, I need to confess… I miss the days of lazing endlessly, not having anything to do at night but chill, or to just relax, let my hair down, have fun and just do plain and simple nothing.

Feels like years ago since I’ve enjoyed that life. The freedom, the joy, the mesmerisation! My life’s moved on so much from that point… to another summit of just trying to get by each day. When did life fill up so much! There just isn’t enough time to do everything and I find myself having to let things go. As my colleague said this morning, something’s gotta give. Although, I’m not used to that. I always try to make things work. I always give my best. I never give up. But, sometimes I guess we have to.

Sometimes I think if we have to let go of things, it makes space for the new. Except, letting go of things is very hard for me, greatly uncomfortable and leaves me feel uneasy for quite a long time. But, I must confess… I’m getting used to letting go… and instead of feeling amiss, I feel the opportunity and the new chances it brings along.

About two weeks back, I lost all my emails. I mean personal emails that I’ve captured and saved for 5 years! Things I’d love to look back on, things I’d love to review to assess my thinking at the time – just generally to look back on. And, I think I’ve gotten so used to being able to look back, that I never really look ahead. So, with the dramatic experience of losing all my mails from friends, family, colleagues, my motivational one’s, my teary one’s, the heart-wrenching ones and all my plea’s for help, guidance, etc., I’ve opened a new door to acceptance. Acceptance that it is just so and so I shall deal with it. It is kind of refreshing actually, to not have those mails to look back on, because they in the past, where they’re meant to be… and the future is uncluttered with more opportunity and space to thrive in new memories and love!

I guess there’s wisdom in everything and a reason why things happen. If my profile never became corrupt and I didn’t lose those emails, I’d forever have them to look back on without ever fully comprehending my present and being able to look ahead to the future! Allah knows best!

Anyhoo, I dunno wot I’m on about today. Just feeling really guilty that I haven’t updated my blog, so please accept my little offering into the fanatical mind of Shaheema!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Confirming our marriage plans with the Imaam

So, the date has been set for 11 October 2009. On calling Sheikh Abduragmaan Alexander to confirm that he would perform the nikaah for us, he requested a meeting with my parents and Raafiek’s parents.

Oi! I must say I was quite nervous. But, looked forward to it as well. The evening dawned beautiful, and instead of butterflies floating around Earth, I was convinced all resided in my tummy!

We entered Masjidul Quds… the masjied Raafiek and I have chosen for our Nikaah to take place. The masjied is huge and so beautiful. It is also the official host of all the all-night programmes on Laylatul Qadr.

We arrived at 19:00 just in time for our meeting… my parents were waiting for myself, Raafiek and his Mom. We sat down and started to chat. Funny how we wanted Sheikh Abduragmaan Alexander, Imaam of the Bridgetown Masjied to perform our ceremony at Masjidul Quds in Gatesville… he informed us that he had since moved to Masjidul Quds and was now the Principal and Imaam of that masjied for just a week at the time. Ah, destiny, you gotta love it.

The meeting went off well.. he took our details and ID numbers to complete onto the Marriage Certificate which will only be signed on the wedding day. He then asked me a question: “Shaheema, are you sure you want to get married?” I felt the tears well up in my eyes, “Yes, I’m sure,” I answered. He had to ask this in front of everyone to ensure that i was accepting Raafiek's proposal out of my own free will.

With everything set for the date, the Imaam and Masjied confirmed… we were on our way. The athaan for Eshaa just started so we decided to stay for salaah. After performing the sunnah for Eshaa and the two raka-aats to greet the masjied, we waited to perform salaah in Jamaah. I couldn’t resist taking a picture.

I left feeling fulfilled and blessed. May Allah forever guide me, my family and my new family to be, Insha-Allah, Ameen!