Thursday, August 13, 2009

Ever realised how far you’ve come?

Have you ever really sat down and thought of how far you’ve come in life? I know I haven’t. I’ve been rushing about, chasing, running, but never really seeing.

A new perspective has taken over my life. I’ve realised, I need to sit down and take time to smell the roses, and as my dad says, see the trees, smell the air, unleash all concern. I think right now I need it more than ever.

I’m about to enter the biggest decision of my life. A life of new beginnings, new moments, breathtaking experiences and most certainly, challenging times as things often tend to be. However, I want to be fully present, alive in each and every moment.

My soul has been such, that I’m forever searching. Searching for growth, new experiences, greater ambitions. Yet, never have I taken stock of the growth I’ve achieved, the experiences that have given birth to wonderful developments in my life, and celebrating the success after having strived so hard.

Just recently, I was faced with an enormous intervention in my life. I knew it was there, all along, always lurking in the background, but never did I want to face it, so I did what I do best, and just kept on paddling like mad.

Until one Sunday, after a busy but restful break with Shahieda and Debbie at the Protea Hotel, I was doing the dishes with Raafiek and we got into chatting. I ended up speaking and it was as if the words couldn’t wait to get out. Right there, my heart was talking. But, this time, was I going to listen, or just ignore it, once again?… go back to being the swan above the waters once more, while I continued to paddle like mad, just as before? Or would I really listen to my heart’s call and step up to relinquishing its turmoil knowing that in this time, long-term memories are born?

I thought about it for days on end. Fought it. Embraced it. Then fought it again. Whatever I did I knew it had to come from me. It had to be my decision… and oh hasn’t it taught me a lot. This year has been rather interesting, very trying but certainly eye-opening and enriching.

In the weeks to come, I learnt that I’m only human, just like everyone else. Some of my friends call me Superwoman, and for a while I even thought so myself. Others believe I’m the calmest person they’ve met, and I may be, but the swan theory comes into play here. Not too long ago, my friend Nadia told me that I should realise how far I’ve come. I realised for a minute or two, but then rushed on anyway. Till it really hit me.

I’ve rushed all my life. Chased. Tried a bit harder. Strived a bit more. Gave a little more effort. But, don’t get me wrong, no regret lives in my heart. For if it wasn’t for that very nature of my own, I certainly would not be where I am today. A place I treasure. And, this follows on from the post titled: “The CAN-DO Girl”. I really know I am. Because, whatever comes my way, I can do! I won’t allow myself otherwise.

But, for now, with the dire need of my heart to enjoy this beautiful moment in my life, I will calm down, even just for a while. I will take in the air of each bright new day, not forget to thank Allah for allowing me the gift of life. I will listen to the birds chirping, smell the roses as I walk through our garden at work, see the clouds, mingle with my fellows and enjoy each and every moment.

I will enjoy this crazy but fun planning time with friends and family. And, as I stand on my wedding day, Insha-Allah (Ameen!) I want to be fully present in that moment, embracing it with every vessel in my body and lounging with its memory throughout my lifetime.

For now, its just me and the air I breathe...