I wish you were here!

Last night as Raafiek and I got home after dinner with Samir and Shireen, we got into chatting to my parents about the wedding.

The conversation was lots of fun and I enjoyed throwing around ideas with them and contemplating the events of ‘the big day’. Nevertheless, we started chatting about the wedding entourage and then got into talking about the colour of the decorations and the girls dresses.

Anyhoo… as time passed my parents departed and Raafiek and I continued to chat. By now it was 23:00 already… I didn’t realise it was that late. We were going through pictures on my digital camera and reminiscing on memories.

Suddenly, pictures of my late grandmother appeared… usually unaffected by it, this time I felt a bit different. Earlier Raafiek asked me how I felt when I see pictures of her, I just shrugged it off as I was a bit perturbed by my reactions. I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t sobbing my eyes out… I didn’t cry at her janazah… not one single tear… although I did bawl my eyes out with her the night before – her last night on Earth.

Last night must’ve been only the second time I’ve cried since her passing. Raafiek gave me a nice bear hug and I just let it all out. He must've known that's what I needed.

My grammy and I were very close and I treasured her opinion dearly. I missed her last night… so much so that couldn’t fathom my true feelings. I’ve never experienced this before. Just in last week I told Raafiek… I just don’t understand death. How someone can be here for one minute… completely conscious and sane, talking and laughing with you… but literally inside they’re dying. What sense is there in that? I just don’t get it. Perhaps, I’m not meant to.

Now, my grandmother’s brother is about to pass from the same thing. A man so funny, loud and filled with character. But, Allah’s knows best and we should take comfort in that.

"Ma, I really, really miss you terribly! I understand now… I haven’t cried because I don’t want to admit that you no longer here… that I won’t ever see your beautiful face again… or hear your cute laughter… or see your boisterous smile… or the way your eyes light up when you see something really smart. We’ve always chatted about the day I get married… and I always thought you’d be present. I know that even though you won’t be there physically, you’ll be there in spirit! I really wish you were here right now. As, I know… for right now, you’d take away any confusion in my mind… and help me make the decisions with poise… which was so easy under your confident eyes. Right now, I wish you were here to help me make sense of all these colours! I know you would’ve assured me in a jiffy! I miss you so much Ma! Raafiek said something that made me smile through the tears… he said, 'Ma would definitely go with purple and say all the rest my dear is up to you.' hehe… I think he’s so right! I love you and hope wherever you are that you smiling and happy!"

May you rest in peace Ma, Insha-Allah, Ameen!

The harsh reality

Over the weekend I was confronted with some real hard-hitting issues. I watched two movies based on real-life events, and to say it left me feeling a bit uncomfortable is a blatant understatement.

The one was titled United 93 based on Flight 93, a hijacked plane on 9/11. To watch the utter and terrifying horror that those 44 passengers were forced to succumb to, left an emptiness in my heart. One that will never be filled. It really opened my eyes to the unacceptable magnitude of violence in this lifetime. While, this may just have been a composition of what the unfortunate passengers experienced, I shudder to think what the reality was like.

I guess sometimes, as it tends to happen far away, we don’t really immerse ourselves in the situation to get the true magnitude of the emotion involved. I for one just hear it and shun it.

I must admit - I live a very sheltered life in my mind… very oblivious to my surroundings. Perhaps, for my own sanity. Perhaps this is how I deal with things I know I have no power to change. I just cannot stand the thought of seeing another in pain… let alone be the one inflicting it. I cannot deal with some of life’s realities, the mindless killings, the little left un-parented and absent to wonder about, the poor who have no home to go to or shelter and I am left to wonder… how do they still make it through?

I shudder to think of myself, what thoughts would be going through my mind, as I know death awaits me and my departure from the ones I love so dearly! Unfathomable right now… perhaps always.

I was so taken aback by the film, that later that evening when my mom came to greet me while I was sleeping… I jumped up in anguish as I feared what was before me. My mom hurriedly had to compose me and assure me it was only her who wanted to kiss my cheek. Even now, I consider myself lucky to have this sentiment; most aren’t able to still have their very treasured loved ones near. Shukran Allah!

The other movie who my brother recommended was An American Crime based on a brutal crime committed in 1966. To begin to even comprehend how someone can willfully cause pain to someone else, and that - someone of age to a minor, I’ll never understand. Some of the scenes were so offensive and grotesque that I was left curled up on the couch biting my fingers.

I pray that God instills in us a better understanding so that we will remain sane and make good choices for the future – choices that benefit all inhabitants on this borrowed time on Earth!

May Allah be with us!

What does 11...10...09… mean?

What you may ask does 11.10.09 mean? Well… to me it is to be a very special day in my life! A day I’ve always dreamt about… a day of love, honour and complete gratitude. A day to always remember…

The day Raafiek & I pledge to love, honour and cherish each other… the day we complete half our faith… the day that marks the beginning of a new lifetime… the day we marry! I await with eager anticipation!

Well, back to the now… its October 11, 2008… exactly one year from the much-anticipated day. It seems cloudy and cold, but who was to know that it would transform into a day filled with sunshine, happiness and wonderful memories. I spent most of the day with my cousin Shahieda… we attended an Islamic Jurisprudence class – Usul-lul-Fiqh. Then we headed to Mugg&Bean for breakfast. Thereafter, we strolled leisurely around and did some fabric shopping.

On my return home, I felt like doing something special to mark the day. You know me… always looking for a reason to create some memories. So, I called up Raafiek and we collectively decided to do some dining the evening to signify our one year count-down to a lifetime together. I told my parents about it to spread the good cheer… and they decided dinner was on them. We went to a delectable Pakistani diner in Seapoint – From Cape to India.

Mom & Me

Raafiek & Dad

Dressed in our Sunday-best we took a scenic sunset drive to the restaurant. I had on a little black number… and Raafiek was suited in a black blazer as well. Oooh… don’t ask me the names of the food we ate… a bit weird… but nevertheless mouth-watering! Sounded like Aloo Chopra, Aloo Kapiri… uh... never mind… it was delicious!

Me & My Wonderful Parents

We had a splendid time… chatted about plans for the wedding and had some good laughs as well. Oh my… there was this cute little baby boy, probably not even two years old… the minute they stepped into the restaurant… he ran towards me and gave me a sweet… I was so stunned… the little baby then proceeded to climb onto my lap… too oulik! So, I lifted him up and played with him for a bit… till his mom fetched him. Hmmm… me wonders if he can sense my eagerness to have a little one of my own! hehe

Me & My Husband-To-Be

After dinner, my parents left to visit my mom’s aunt, so Raafiek and I went to visit Zane & Zoey.

Zane & Zoey

The Angel & The Devil

Thereafter, we took a drive to the V&A… then a slow drive home. By now… I was bushed… it was heading onto 11:00pm… my eyes are heavy… but still my heart is pounding for what’s to come! Excitement beyond explanation!

Shireen’s Sort-of-Surprise

Up I was at Fajr, made salaah, coffee, some nibbles… and we were on the road. Samir & Raafiek planned a surprise day away for Shireen’s birthday. But, to quote the birthday girl: “You can never leave anything up to the guys.” Before we knew it, she was in on what was happening and even helping with marinating the chicken and getting together breakfast.


To spite the broken surprise, we had a blast. The weather was absolutely fabulous. We took a 2½ hour drive to Montague Springs, it’s a hot springs resort outside Cape Town. We went on the waterslide, chilled in the hot pools and braaied.

Raafiek

Me

Shireen

The day was awesome, relaxed and fun… but come night-time… we struggled to keep awake on our return. The after-effects of being in warm water all day.

Shukran Raafiek & Samir!

WP vs Lions

Today Raafiek and I did some shopping with his Mom and uncle… then we made an impromptu decision to get some tickets for rugby at the Newlands Stadium for the game between Western Province (WP) and the Lions.




WP was to win by 19 points and a bonus point to make it to the semi-finals. Needless to say, the game was gripping, had me on the edge of my seat and sometimes ranting hysterically as I cheered on for a try that just wouldn’t happen.





They won, 14-6… but felt more like a loss as they didn’t win good enough to make it to the semi’s. Anyhoo… they did their best!


The eve… Raafiek & I headed with my parents to Spur… was delish! If only I could finish…

Eid-ul-Fitr

The joy this day brings is immeasurable. It fills me with such peace, tranquility and utter thankfulness. As per the norm on Eid mornings, I attend to dressing our table, filling it with lovely delectables and keeping Mom company in the kitchen till my daddy and brother return from Eid Salaah.

Ashraf & Raafiek

Ashraf & I

Raafiek & I

Upon their return, my Mom & I got dressed and then headed to visit my Dad’s Aunt. Thereafter we spent the day visiting family and friends. I spent some time with Raafiek’s family and then headed to the meeting spot at my Mom’s sister where the entire family got together. We took lotsa pics, shared many laughs and the day was memorable.

Raafiek's Family

The Ladies

My Mom's Sisters

I love family time.